just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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