I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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