I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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