i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
