So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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