WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
