the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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