My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
