we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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