You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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