yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
