I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
