The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
