When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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