I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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