I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
