Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
