you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize