i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon