I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night