It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Boobs are out for the taking
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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