my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck