Got a toothbrush?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
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I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe