so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.