I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.