hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
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Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
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Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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