I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
