we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
