I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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