So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
