Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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