well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
