another moral hangover. fuck.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize