No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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