i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
