So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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