I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
