never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize