Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
