i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
