if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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