If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
