She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i believe in u and ur pee
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
