My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
