how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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