what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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