My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
