Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
