My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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