Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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