I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
