How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
