Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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