Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
