I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
