too bad you live with your parents still
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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