Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
