She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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