thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
