There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
