I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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