just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
