that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
