the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
