Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
