We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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