My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
