Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
