Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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