So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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