If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
