I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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