He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
