He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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