that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
