Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
