I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
