phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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