Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
