So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
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I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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