the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
