plz talk dirty to me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
