I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
