i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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