I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
