i think my tv is drunk
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
