Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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