If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my poor anus
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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