quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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